Christians are straight up FREAKS
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
