Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
