McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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