I want to walk on stilts...naked
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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