Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
