u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We smell like vodka and hangover
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