haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Someone signed my nipple.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
