I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
