Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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