That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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