Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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