I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's paint friendship bongs
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
