The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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