new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
