Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
