2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
