i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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