my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
