I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
