Non-Jews are for practice
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
