put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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