.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I forget how to act sober
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
