I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
