I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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