your thong is hanging out like whoa
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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