okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
