Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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