Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ugly people sure do ruin things
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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