The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
