one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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