I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
