He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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