Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
