Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
