somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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