I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
