i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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