allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
