So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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