part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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