Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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