So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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