We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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