and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
