why didn't you poke me back
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
