college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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