you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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