So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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