i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
