all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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