who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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