Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize