his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
