ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
