I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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