So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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