GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
